Tuesday, 28 August, 2007

Comment tu t'appelle?

I had once commented on a poem my friend had written on his blog. When I finished it turned out to be this..... I lost my friend to time..... but certain memories last a lifetime. I will not fill my posts with bygones but a little dash of bittersweet is always necessary.

......She tossed aside her shroud of clouds,
Parted the winds and waited...
As the first flickers of light touched the pyre
She claimed what was her own,
andConsumed the flames ire
Some thing touched his brow,
something soft and sweet
something which gave him a slight shove....
He sailed accross the murky troubled water
sand landed on his arse into a rich and prosperous happy future....
with happy memories of the girl he tried to cremate....
ready to start afresh....

Sounds a trifle mad doesn't it? there is a bit of eliot in it the influence of Preludes stanza III.

Sunday, 1 July, 2007


Am I caught in a mood swing? sad.....maybe listening to jazz....none of the above ... I am sitting in Bhubaneswar and it is 16:10 the sun shines like it has never shone before,result-a sweltering heat, my room on the roof is worst affected,it makes me think of the blues the hues the cool sea breeze the crisp white waves and you don't mind the sun. geographically I am 2 hours from the sea around 70 kms but it is hotter here than in kolkata.....

....Last night I dreamt that I was all alone I think it is my biggest fear, I am seldom scared of rodents and cockroaches unless they catch me at unawares. ghosts intrigue me I would like to try a planchet someday. But the thought that people's existence in my life is temporary unsettles me. these fears come when i am sad and unhappy, the thought that you will leave me a lot of memories to give me company isn't something i can deal with calm composure. I believe I weave my life too much around people, with emotions and feelings to strengthen my knit so it is always difficult to rip apart...It leaves a jagged tear which is difficult to patch it is never a clear mend, leaving behind a memory of that....what was once a part of a whole.... but I knit diligently when I put my heart to it...maybe the new weave will be as intrinsically a part of me but the blue will be a colourI have never imagined before,ephemereal yet earthly in texure rich and warm in shade...I do not know what makes it so special.....it is the colour of my soul i hope....

Monday, 21 May, 2007

The Dream Interpreter

I often dream to while away time( technically speaking daydream)of things which are never going to happen to me because I am unfortunately not a fictional character of a victorian classic or a mystery thriller or a romantic nonsense. Daydreams are often fun since I can tweak and twist it o my own liking, however they also depend on moods, my black moods can make me dream of really dark happenings all around me where a special person dies or leaves and the dream is vivid enough to make me cry....the first tear which rolls down my cheek is a splash of cold water which jolts me back to reality. How foolish I am crying over something which hasn't happened and may not or will not happen at all. My deepest fears tend to magnify with the help of my clarity of thought and imagination. Nevertheless many a times my pot of dreams has tided me over unpleasant things and situations, I have learnt to see the brighter side of most situations I can always dream it to be something else. Am i an escapist? or is it a psychological defense mechanism?One thing I am sure of is that I am definitely not a psychoanalyst so my intrpretations are purely mine not subject to any elusive theory..

Colour me green

Fresh green leaves on old majestic trees are like a sudden splash of joy. An Old green gate rolling open into a vast stretch of green grass is my earliest memory. The field dotted with innumerable little people dressed in royal blue and white gave me a sudden burst of excitement.

The grounds were moody rather muddy during rains,light green and yellow with spots of earth in summer...It turned a brilliant hue after the rains and little people marched on the chalk dust lines during winters...the trampled grass came back to life in spring.

Splashes of Red

I have always owned a red dress all my life. whether it be a baby frock as a toddler or a slinky red skirt when I was older...and then the years of living in red t-shirts and then the hand me down red pants which turned everything in the washing machine red. Followed by the red salwar kameez...one piece of clothing that I have always owned and wear till date is a red riding hood cloak. My grandmother knit it for me..... I always go red in the face whenever I am excited...I wish my face wasn't such an emotional barometer and i wasn't the sentimental fool that I am...


my dreams of being an artist being shattered..


Orange juice and lemon soul for a penny... All the school girls are so many... The grass is green and the rose is red... Remember me when you are dead dead dead... --lines learnt in nursery