Sunday, 1 July, 2007
Am I caught in a mood swing? sad.....maybe listening to jazz....none of the above ... I am sitting in Bhubaneswar and it is 16:10 the sun shines like it has never shone before,result-a sweltering heat, my room on the roof is worst affected,it makes me think of the blues the hues the cool sea breeze the crisp white waves and you don't mind the sun. geographically I am 2 hours from the sea around 70 kms but it is hotter here than in kolkata.....
....Last night I dreamt that I was all alone I think it is my biggest fear, I am seldom scared of rodents and cockroaches unless they catch me at unawares. ghosts intrigue me I would like to try a planchet someday. But the thought that people's existence in my life is temporary unsettles me. these fears come when i am sad and unhappy, the thought that you will leave me a lot of memories to give me company isn't something i can deal with calm composure. I believe I weave my life too much around people, with emotions and feelings to strengthen my knit so it is always difficult to rip apart...It leaves a jagged tear which is difficult to patch it is never a clear mend, leaving behind a memory of that....what was once a part of a whole.... but I knit diligently when I put my heart to it...maybe the new weave will be as intrinsically a part of me but the blue will be a colourI have never imagined before,ephemereal yet earthly in texure rich and warm in shade...I do not know what makes it so special.....it is the colour of my soul i hope....
Colour me green
Fresh green leaves on old majestic trees are like a sudden splash of joy. An Old green gate rolling open into a vast stretch of green grass is my earliest memory. The field dotted with innumerable little people dressed in royal blue and white gave me a sudden burst of excitement.
The grounds were moody rather muddy during rains,light green and yellow with spots of earth in summer...It turned a brilliant hue after the rains and little people marched on the chalk dust lines during winters...the trampled grass came back to life in spring.